I care very much. Please read everything I wrote. The system is broken, and we need to fix it. In the meantime, since we must live within the broken system, it is wise to do a thorough cost/benefit analysis before accepting any job. Not everyone can do that, but some can.

We play pretty conservative baseball when it comes to personal finances. We have a smaller house further from the city than my wife’s peers at work. We buy cars that meet our needs, but our wants are frequently compromised in search of the lowest total cost of ownership. We make no major purchases without real research first. Our kids have not been to Disney, but they will hopefully be able to go to the college of their choice without a mountain of debt when the time comes.

We are very lucky, but most people that merch our income are not actually in as stable a place as we are. That stability comes from good decisions.

That is a good point. We are not paying monthly premiums. Again, over the years we have chosen our employers very carefully. To be clear, we are lucky to have been in the place to do so.

That said, we also did very well when I was a public high school teacher. The pay was awful, but the health insurance we had was better than my wife could get at most corporate jobs at the time. We now use my wife’s corporate benefits because my family’s needs have placed me as a stay-at-home dad for several years. Once she got in with a company that actually values its employees, we made the decision to stick it out.

I live in the US and was born here. This is true of my wife as well.

I hate to say it because I know how bad many people have it here, but our health care experiences have been excellent. IVF? We paid a few grand by the end of everything, but that’s it - most of the cost was one hormone in particular. My cancer that almost killed me? We paid $15 co-pays for doctor appointments and physical therapy appointments, nothing for any treatments (radiation, chemo, surgeries, hydration, etc.), and about $15 co-pays for each prescription medication. My upcoming rotator cuff surgery? I’ll pay similar to the cancer. Regular in-home therapy services for our children with special needs? Free.

This was not by accident or dumb luck. My wife and I have always chosen jobs in large part based on benefits in general and health insurance in particular. We may not make as much money on paper as job hoppers and those who chase the highest number on their paychecks. Do you know what we do have? No medical debt. Great parental leave. More vacation time than most. A legal plan that paid to set us up with every estate planning and life management document one could need.

So it’s hard. Our system is fucking broken - too many people cannot get the care they need, or they go into debt to get it. It needs to be fixed. That said, I also have friends who just made shitty choices. They actively chose direct income over benefits. They gambled and some of them lost.

We need to fix US healthcare in or much every way. In the meantime? My wife and I choose to play the game by the rules as they are currently written, and we play with intent to win.

I send Independence Day and to tell them it is a documentary. Now they know not to fuck with us.

‘Democrats have a plan’

She lost me right there. As a Democrat, I feel confident in stating that we have never had such a thing.

It is a truth so old that Will Rogers was cracking jokes about it 100 years ago.

Oh, I see your mistake. Those are Samsung fridges. Nothing has a shorter lifespan than a Samsung fridge. Since there are two they will die together to maximize the inconvenience factor, and they thus must be clicked simultaneously. That is the only way a fake Samsung fridge could mimic the frustration caused by a real one.

Before the election we will be preparing bugout bags for my nuclear family and establishing concrete plans to flee.

After the election, if Trump wins we will monitor and be ready. At the first sign of trouble we get out of dodge. I have the ability to get EU citizenship for my family if need be. In the meantime, my wife and I have skills that can get us the privilege to move into some countries based on their employment needs.

My family and I would have reasons to be targeted by white nationalists if they felt empowered. I have received semi-threatening letters from such people in the past.

I hate that we have to think this way, but we do.

Daily alcohol: blunts my emotional pain, causes awful feelings in my stomach, does damage to multiple organ systems, is physically addictive, and gives you a hangover the next day.

Daily THC and other cannabinoids consumed via edibles: blunts my emotional pain, blunts my physical pain, has a minor effect on working memory when used over years that does not further inhibit cognitive ability or motivation, is not physically addictive, and has no impact on the next day.

Used to self medicate in vaguely controlled doses, it is a no-brainer. MJ is not perfect by any means, but it is world better than booze for frequent users.

My children have received autism-specific therapy and learned key NT social skills from it. I am happy to share my understanding of their experience, but I would ask permission first since this question was directed at autistic people and my official role in the family as dad and husband is being “the most neurotypical one.”

Edit to add: they have learned skills that help them navigate life, including life in a NT dominant world. I hesitate to label them as NT skills because they are used by my autistic children and maybe the actual skill is approached differently, but that is probably pedantic.

Thank you. I don’t have notes handy, but my deadlift was around 360 lbs. for 8-12 when I was last training it directly. A few health-related issues have sidelined my lifting for a couple months (post-cancer life sucks sometimes), but I am cleared to get back into the gym next week!

My legs are where I really shine, with my calculated one rep max for the sled press up in the mid 800s and working sets in the 600s. That is my lift where people stop and look twice.

It does not appear that you are really listening to others to do much as commenting pithy things, and I am not sure if you have some specific reason for this or if you are just picking fights.

But let’s still break this down. Literally no one here is talking about celebrating morbid obesity. That is pretty much a straw man at this point.

Morbidly obese people should be able to look in the mirror and think to themselves, “I look good today!” They should be allowed to go out without worry that someone will make fun of them. They should be able to go to the doctor and be heard instead of the doctor assuming every health problem is only caused by obesity.

If you disagree with the above statements, please be very clear as to why. Everybody deserves quality medical care from their physician. Everybody deserves to not hate themselves. Everybody deserves to not be kicked for their appearance.

No one is saying, “Woo-hoo! Try to be so fat it harms your health!” I would suggest you read up on the science of weight loss and why so many little are obese these days. There is not universal consensus, but there is general agreement that the deck is highly stacked against many people, and extra body fat is not a simple condition to deal with in many circumstances.

People should try to lead the healthiest lifestyle they are reasonably able. No one is stating otherwise.

I think that you have internalized a version of body positivity that lies on the most extreme end of what is meant by that phrase. Body positivity - be comfortable with who you are and do not put down on others due to their body.

The odds are that I am significantly fatter than you. The odds also favor that I am significantly stronger than you, even if you lift weights. I can also probably walk all day much farther than you can.

Would it be healthier if I lose body fat? Absolutely. Have I tried for 20 years to do that? Yes. I am not ignorant regarding nutrition. I am not lazy. I am not overall lacking willpower. I am fat but otherwise healthy.

Body positively means that my doctor treats my body fat as what it is - one aspect of my overall health. He does not assume that every problem I have is because I am fat, even though changing that would improve some aspects of my health.

Body positively also means that I am not going to hide when I go to the beach. I am going to go shirtless and enjoy myself. If you do not find me sexually attractive, that is fine. If you are going to shame or mock me for my body fat, then you are an asshole. If I catch wind of you mocking me, I will quietly estimate how many times your bodyweight I will deadlift on Monday. If you choose to mock the scars that cover parts of my body from extreme, life-saving surgery, I may feel the need to firmly educate you on exactly what sort of asshole you are.

Body positively often conjures the image of a morbidly obese girl on OnlyFans who lets people pay to watch her binge and intentionally get fatter while she says being purposefully inactive is just as healthy as hitting the gym. The real versions of that person are extremely rare, but their radicalism, vociferous nature, and platform make their voices much louder in comparison. Their argument is also easy to find flaw with and mock, so they get used as if they are a typical example of body positivity.

You are right in that the woman I describe above needs help and is not behaving in a safe or healthy way. I also understand why you might think that is the norm. She is not, though, and I would encourage you to look deeper at the meaning of the “movement.”

The “you” above is generic and based on broad assumptions. You, the reader, might be stronger than me and have way more endurance than me. You also might be fatter than I am. The odds are very good that you are also not an asshole. My point was to call out variances from the norm as convenient examples, of which I have plenty in both directions.

Generally, no, but it did last night. We had moved into a new house, and we were trying to tell Uber Eats which train station we were closest to so our delivery person could get off at that station before driving to our house.

We do not love near a train station. It was weird as dreams tend to be.

Our health plan does not give us access to an HSA, so that is off the table for the foreseeable future. I will check out the wiki, so thank you for that!

That is interesting. I loved the original in my youth, but now that I am older, a cancer survivor, and with a lifetime of challenge and too many dead loved ones, Cash’s version speaks to me on a different level.

I’m not yucking your yum one bit. I am happy that you have a song that speaks to you.

It does, and it largely mirrors what I was expecting. I had hoped that there is more concrete advice, but I suspect that we are beyond the level where advice is straightforward.

“Congratulations! You will never be able to do your own taxes again,” was the advice from those coordinating our current co-investment opportunity. I suspect that may be the last direct advice we may get for a long time.

Florida needs all of the protectionism it can muster - Florida beef is just lousy. It turns out that just because you can raise cattle somewhere spent mean you should.

I have always held that the up votes are for well written, thoughtful posts regardless of if I like the opinion. This is not really well written or thoughtful. It has a certain unhinged vibe to it.

I did up vote for the passion and because I sort of love a little chaos, but it was a tight choice.

Yeah, it is. The injections suck, and the hormone shifts are awful. One of my friends is a general practitioner in the Navy, and every time he prescribes any fertility hormone, he also gives a referral for couples counseling. “I know you believe you won’t need it, and you might be right, but in my experience by the time you realize you need it, you need it RIGHT NOW.” The IVF hormones are around then the ones he can prescribe, and it was a wild ride.

Of course I don’t know your SIL, but please extend my best to her and her family at some point. As one stranger on the Internet who knows roughly the path she walked, I am very happy it went well for her in the end.

Also, real talk, you sound like a great in-law to her for being so aware of everything. Kudos to you.

For those who are truly into etiquette, we understand that it is a gift we give to others and hope they will choose to return in kind. It is actually extremely poor etiquette to point out the missteps of others. The superior you unfortunately had to deal with was an asshole. Being an asshole is pretty much never appropriate.

I stand to greet others because it shows them respect and maybe because I am a little old fashioned. I take off my hat in private spaces for the same reason. I also know enough etiquette to know that modern hat customs have been modified because they are more of a fashion piece now than a protective garment. Hats have different rules when their primary purpose is to be an accessory.

Do you know what I do when someone gets etiquette “wrong?” Nothing! It is rude to police others. The most someone should do is to gently steer others away from a faux pas if it would likely cause them embarrassment or future difficulty.

I think what I really want to write is that I am sorry etiquette has been used as a social bludgeon against you. Good etiquette should feel seamless and unobtrusive. Formality can be lovely, and instead it has been a bad experience for you. That sucks.

Edit to add: I am really talking about classic English/American etiquette. I am in no place to comment on things like the etiquette in many Asian nations. I know some of the customs, but little of the nuance that goes into them.