My best friend of many years. We had even lived together in college as roommates for 3 years. Never fought, not even once. We did everything together. When I moved away for a summer internship, we wrote emails but also physical letters (this was before email was what it is now, it wasn’t “everywhere” and it wasn’t weird if you didn’t have one).
The 2nd semester of our senior year, I began dating someone and she……didn’t like that I guess. We never really talked about it or fought, she just became very distant.
A few months later I had to transfer schools to better specialize in my degree field, and she still had 1 more year left before she graduated. She stayed at that school and I never expected the friendship to just “end”, but that’s what happened. The time it took for her to reply to my emails became longer and longer and eventually they just stopped. So we never got to really talk about it. Never saw each other again.
To this day I have no idea what was at the root of her problem. She didn’t even come to the funeral home when my Dad died 9 years after all this transpired, and they knew each other very well. She didn’t send flowers or a card. Or a fucking email. Nothing. That’s what finally did it for me. That hurt. That really hurt. It was one of the lowest points of my life and she just didn’t care. She knew - her parents stopped by. She just didn’t care. She couldn’t put some stupid thing like that behind her for 10 minutes and send an email that said “I’m sorry.” That’s it. That’s all she had to do.
I came to terms with everything for good after that; if there was any hope before that we would ever be on speaking terms again, it died along with my Dad.
You’re not overstepping at all, I appreciate the insight. This has also been suggested by mutual friends who we went to school with. I’m not saying she wasn’t, but I’m attracted to men and we would talk a lot about different guys we found attractive. Of course, she could have been bi or into just women and never revealed that to me. As far as I know she was heterosexual, but again - no guarantee she wasn’t telling me the truth about her sexuality (if that was indeed the truth). But also, neither one of us dated very much so maybe that was a sign, too. She never came onto me though.
Others have said that maybe she had a crush on the guy I started dating…he was a mutual friend of ours for years. But again, if she was attracted to him, she never said anything to me.
Yeah, that makes sense. It seems like your communication was genuinely excellent and a solid foundation for tackling thorny issues such as a shared interest in the same person. It could be she didn’t even realize how she felt until suddenly you were dating someone else. At that point, she may have just felt trapped and unable to move forward.
All just idle speculation, which I’m sure helps very little, but your story really resonated with me.
No, this was a very long time ago at this point. I did send one more email updating her on my life about 5 years after “the incident” because I had moved to a different state and had a new job and was like here’s my work email if you would want that for some reason. I also included another childhood friend of ours on that email so it wouldn’t be too weird.
As for your situation, everyone is different. She was one of those people who hated confrontation and stuck her head in the sand at the first sign of it. I suspect that played a big role.
I don’t know your situation or what the people involved are like, so I can’t answer that for you. But please don’t base your decision on the actions of the person I described. Do what you feel is right for your case. If you want to give it one more try, do that. If you come to realize that their friendship isn’t really all that worth it, that’s ok too. And if they did something so terrible that you feel like you don’t want someone like that in your life, so be it.
But if you wanna give it another shot, then do that. It’s up to you :)
My best friend of many years. We had even lived together in college as roommates for 3 years. Never fought, not even once. We did everything together. When I moved away for a summer internship, we wrote emails but also physical letters (this was before email was what it is now, it wasn’t “everywhere” and it wasn’t weird if you didn’t have one).
The 2nd semester of our senior year, I began dating someone and she……didn’t like that I guess. We never really talked about it or fought, she just became very distant.
A few months later I had to transfer schools to better specialize in my degree field, and she still had 1 more year left before she graduated. She stayed at that school and I never expected the friendship to just “end”, but that’s what happened. The time it took for her to reply to my emails became longer and longer and eventually they just stopped. So we never got to really talk about it. Never saw each other again.
To this day I have no idea what was at the root of her problem. She didn’t even come to the funeral home when my Dad died 9 years after all this transpired, and they knew each other very well. She didn’t send flowers or a card. Or a fucking email. Nothing. That’s what finally did it for me. That hurt. That really hurt. It was one of the lowest points of my life and she just didn’t care. She knew - her parents stopped by. She just didn’t care. She couldn’t put some stupid thing like that behind her for 10 minutes and send an email that said “I’m sorry.” That’s it. That’s all she had to do.
I came to terms with everything for good after that; if there was any hope before that we would ever be on speaking terms again, it died along with my Dad.
I apologize if this is overstepping, but could she have been in love with you? She may not even have known how she felt until you got a boyfriend.
There are, of course, a million other things that would explain it, but hearing your story that was what immediately jumped to mind.
Regardless, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
yeah that was my reaction as well
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this comment isn’t about your post dude, it’s about this comment chain
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You’re not overstepping at all, I appreciate the insight. This has also been suggested by mutual friends who we went to school with. I’m not saying she wasn’t, but I’m attracted to men and we would talk a lot about different guys we found attractive. Of course, she could have been bi or into just women and never revealed that to me. As far as I know she was heterosexual, but again - no guarantee she wasn’t telling me the truth about her sexuality (if that was indeed the truth). But also, neither one of us dated very much so maybe that was a sign, too. She never came onto me though.
Others have said that maybe she had a crush on the guy I started dating…he was a mutual friend of ours for years. But again, if she was attracted to him, she never said anything to me.
Yeah, that makes sense. It seems like your communication was genuinely excellent and a solid foundation for tackling thorny issues such as a shared interest in the same person. It could be she didn’t even realize how she felt until suddenly you were dating someone else. At that point, she may have just felt trapped and unable to move forward.
All just idle speculation, which I’m sure helps very little, but your story really resonated with me.
Thanks! I’m glad you maybe got something out of it.
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No, this was a very long time ago at this point. I did send one more email updating her on my life about 5 years after “the incident” because I had moved to a different state and had a new job and was like here’s my work email if you would want that for some reason. I also included another childhood friend of ours on that email so it wouldn’t be too weird.
Nothing. No response.
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Thank you.
As for your situation, everyone is different. She was one of those people who hated confrontation and stuck her head in the sand at the first sign of it. I suspect that played a big role.
I don’t know your situation or what the people involved are like, so I can’t answer that for you. But please don’t base your decision on the actions of the person I described. Do what you feel is right for your case. If you want to give it one more try, do that. If you come to realize that their friendship isn’t really all that worth it, that’s ok too. And if they did something so terrible that you feel like you don’t want someone like that in your life, so be it.
But if you wanna give it another shot, then do that. It’s up to you :)
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