Hi everyone! I’m in my late 20s and I’ve been reminiscing on my young adult life and what I like/don’t like. One point that has been coming up for me is close, vulnerable friendships. I used to have a few friends who I was very close to a few years ago, who I could talk to about deep life stuff, big emotions, vulnerable feelings and worries, and also just enjoy time together discussing silly/serious media or the world.
I have since lost these friends, one way or another. Some simply drifted, some left in a flurry of drama and hurt feelings. I thankfully kept some friends, but a lot of them have been lost.
Despite the volatility of those friendships, there was something I was getting from them that I really needed and still need. I think that need is simply the human desire for close companionship. I have a partner, and he’s wonderful; he’s not particularly feel-y however, and my friends aren’t either. I think I need more emotionally-vulnerable people.
My question is this… How does one make these friends as an adult? In fact, how does one make any friends as an adult? I’m finding myself not knowing how to proceed and find other emotional folk. Any advice would be appreciated. <3
Everyone is already giving the generic advice of do hobbies or volunteer. This is good advice! That’s how you meet people. But the transition from “hobby” friend to “life” friend is difficult and frankly just awkward. It’s kind of like romantic relationships, there isn’t a right or wrong way. You just got to take leaps of faith and be vulnerable with people with the expectation that rejection is possible.
I’m still kind of navigating this phase. I have some good friends that I do my hobbies with, and then it’s like, how do I go from there? Really it’s just about being open and hospitable towards others. Opening your home and inviting people in, asking people if they want to come over for dinner or watch a movie with you.
FRF: food, recreation, fitness (and maybe volunteering which could in a sense be seen as recreation) will do it. I try to combine two of any of the above in a single day’s worth of proposed events, like a hike and then lunch, etc.
It’s not easy. You have to be really dedicated to keeping friendships alive by pinging every 2-3 weeks (monthly is probably just a little bit too long). Then see how often they do so with you over time, or how they attempt to carry conversations after initiation. Back away from the ones who just do not reciprocate, for one reason or another (and know that it’s not a reflection of you!). You may face many, many cancellations or outright rejections or possibly standups. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
I would say start with hobby-based circles. Look for local events and meetups (concerts, games, hobby shop events, etc.) as a way to meet people.
If you happen to like TTRPGs, in my experience that’s a fast track to very close friendships that tend to have the deeper level of connection you’re describing. My guess is because TTRPGs require good communication, the comeraderie tends to come naturally faster than any other given group of people. It’s never a guarantee, but it’s certainly worth a try if you’re already into tabletop games or are curious to get into them
I hope you find excellent homies ASAP, wherever you find them :]
Hmm, this is tough. Groups really make things easier, almost any big group will work. For example, one of my hobbies is being part of the furry community. Furries are kinda like a cross between Greek life and a very chill religion, but not in the culty way, more like a “allows you to join groups and meet people wherever with some predefined subjects to talk to” way. There’s big social events like big ski trips. There’s caving trips. Days at the range. Furry pilot groups. There’s social networks on telegram for your roommates, your city, your state, your country, and the international community.
Furries also have giant meetups called conventions. This is where you will probably be paired with people from a bunch of different backgrounds, but all connected by one hobby, which allows you to find common ground. The convention becomes a giant third place with lots of panels; everything from D&D, to arts and crafts, to games, meetups about NASA, even bands, raves, and NSFW panels. If you haven’t met anyone before, you keep going to panels until you start making con friends. Once you’ve made con friends, you can start going to events locally or in other cities, because everyone knows someone, haha.
Being a furry is pretty fun. You can join a state group on a big road trip, and meet up with a fee of the local furries for a pancake breakfast somewhere. Everyone has their own unique avatar kinda like an Xbox avatar or a Mii, so people will start to recognize you online, and in the real world. Every time you move to a new city, or return to a con, you’ll bump into old friends and make new ones. Come to think of it, it’s a very old world, pre-internet concept, but it survived the digital era remarkably well.
It’s also yielded a lot of deep friendships over the years. There’s always gonna be normal friends, but a lot are the vulnerable type where we really really talk and have meaningful conversations. A lot of furries are some form of queer because the community is so warm and welcoming. It adds a certain…je ne sais quoi, some sort of deeper emotional connection in some regards.
This is what one of those IDs/characters looks like! Usually people just have one, so it’s pretty easy to recognize someone and go “OMG! We met in Toronto two years ago! Did are you planning on going to (convention) in Reno this year? I’ll also be going to that event in Cali where they rent out the retired aircraft carrier and throw a party on it!”
