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https://thurstylark.com/

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Cake day: July 1st, 2023

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  • Thurstylark@lemm.eetoAsklemmy@lemmy.mlPassive Aggressive signals
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    4 days ago

    My mom is also passive aggressive, but I don’t think she realizes how bad it really is. She genuinely believes that she is operating in good faith, and is being kind or polite by not being direct.

    But if you look past what she is saying, and listen to what she’s implying, it becomes very clear that she is extremely judgmental when others don’t live up to her impossible standards.

    For context, I believe she has pretty good reason to have “come by it honestly”, as it were; Her father was in the Army, and spent a lot of her childhood flying Hueys in Vietnam, which left the kids with their born-and-raised Southern Baptist mother who holds a bachelor’s in Home Ec, and lived on base. It was pretty much drilled into her from the youngest age possible that keeping up appearances is absolutely crucial, and failing to do so or to care about doing so is a moral failing. She was basically trained by the Queen of passive aggression.

    She fully believes she’s being considerate when offering use of her RV bathroom as an alternative to the bathroom in my aunt and uncle’s house. What’s wrong with that, you ask? Because the reason she considers that bathroom unsuitable is not because it doesn’t function properly, but because it doesn’t meet her standard of cleanliness.

    She truly doesn’t understand that this single statement tells me everything I need to know about her opinion of the state of my living space. Also, considering that I’m entirely uninterested in someone’s judgment of me and/or my partner based on standards that are not possible for me to keep, it all but guaranteed that she will never be welcome in my home.

    Because I know exactly what the result would be: More backhanded “kindness” in the form of unhelpful advice for disabled people written by non-disabled people, gifts of cleaning supplies, questions about my progress on tackling clutter, etc., etc…

    The best way I’ve found to handle it is to take her implication, and state it bluntly. Hooooooooo boy, does it take the wind outta her sails when her polite facade is summarily ripped away mid conversation. She never expects it, because she starts these conversations with her own idea about how it will go. It’s incredibly satisfying to see the glimpse of sincerety as she realizes that the tools she uses to control her image are suddenly useless.

    Now, I could rag on the mistakes of my parents until the cows come home, but just to be clear, I believe she is earnestly attempting kindness, and doesn’t realize what she’s doing. She was just held to impossible expectations by a strict, overwhelmed caregiver who was a poor role model because of their inappropriate priorities (among a long list of other things). It’s still hurtful behavior, and it still needs to stop, and I will continue calling her out on it, but I don’t blame her for it.

    That being said, I refuse to pass this on. The passive aggressive lineage ends with me.

    E: accidentally a word






  • Is it common? That depends on your context. Since your particular context includes an internet connection, literacy, and living in a situation with the means to reserve space for a child that isn’t home full-time, I feel pretty confident in my estimation that it’s probably not common.

    Is it harmful? No. Honestly, I think it’s pretty sweet. My only advice is to not let it stray into forbidden territory, but you seem to already have a pretty good grasp of where the line is.




  • Ok, so this might be an americanism, but the green cross says “cannabis dispensary” to me. At least around me, the medical marijuana industry is somewhat separated from the medical industry, and dispensaries are entirely different establishments from pharmacies. Pharmacies (and other medical establishments) use different symbols. If they were to use a cross to indicate a medical establishment, the red cross would be recognizable as a generalized symbol, but apparently it’s heavily protected by the Red Cross.

    But that’s just my context, so I don’t have much of an answer beyond “this is what it means 'round these parts”

    Edit: added info from below


  • I think this might be a “yes, but no” kind of thing.

    Yes, these are test strips. Yes, they change color to indicate a reading. Yes, they use chemical reactions to cause that color change.

    AFAIK: No, these aren’t for testing blood. No, these don’t seem to be for consumption by an electronic meter. And no, I don’t think this is what OP was asking about.

    Like, there’s probably some good info, but not for this thread specifically :P

    Source: Pulling it straight out of my ass, but it is informed by my limited experience with medical test equipment, and much less limited experience with electronics.





  • I mean, random NFC tags, I can understand. But, isn’t advising someone to avoid QR codes obsolete by now? It was a pretty worthwhile attack vector at one point, but nowadays most phones will ask “Do you want to <handle> <contents in full>?” before actually doing anything with it…

    Although, now that I think about it, it is best practice to advise to the lowest common denominator… Sometimes I overestimate users’ ability to avoid doing stupid things…






  • Thurstylark@lemm.eetoLinux@lemmy.mlItag alternative?
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    2 months ago

    There’s probably a better way to do this, but I’ve just started using BLE Radar (F-Droid, Play Store), which can be set up to (among other things) tell you where your phone last saw a particular bluetooth address.

    You don’t get the benefit of the tracking network that iPhones, and now Androids, are a part of, and it’s not built into the base system, but it’s FOSS, and your location data stays local.