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19 minutes agoDon’t dead open inside 😎 🌷 🌊
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Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: June 21st, 2023
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Thank you 😭❤️ It means a lot to receive empathy as I have noone at home to vent to and I can’t keep it in. I’m just done with trying to survive on my own here, I need to know there is an end point. It doesn’t help that I messed up the maths on the amount and it’s actually a 21% increase ($115/week). Hahahaha get fucked srsly.
I’ve already ticked off a few things on the list - at least I have a better idea of timeframes to act on and what my options are. It’s a constant battle convincing my nervous system that I’m not trapped, I’m safe, I have a way out, I deserve to exist. I’m so worn out, I’m going to bed.
I need to dump this somewhere so please ignore these very long rambles. This has been a week.
very angry venting
Still bitter and angry about the 15% rent increase and the consequent spiraling of how much it costs to exist. Part of me wants to move on and settle it asap and block it from my brain and beat myself into submission, another wants to distract myself from it completely, both want to get away from the volcano of absolute rage that’s ready to spiral out of control and burn everything in its path.
Alright, let’s have at it: FUCK you, LL, for trying to come across as understanding or nice, you are NOT my friend, I believe NOTHING about how much you “value” me because if you did you wouldn’t be slugging a fucking $75/week increase BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO MAXIMISE YOUR PROFIT OUT OF PEOPLE’S NEED TO HOUSE THEMSELVES. This is not a relationship you “value” by demanding more money JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN. Just keep it to what it is, this is a TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP and if you had a smidgeon of empathy you wouldn’t fucking highball it at first opportunity. Fuck the fuck off with your attempt to be personable and magnanimous. I will keep my angry outbursts here because I’m not an idiot and I will stay civil but I will NOT grovel. I will be offering absolutely no more leeway on inspections, maintenance, etc. And fuck if I’m going to do a complete spotless clean of the place when I leave - I’m claiming my bond the second I’m out and you can fucking take it to vcat over fair wear and tear for how much you’ve fucking earned from me over the years especially as you don’t even need to pay REA fees. You will get absolutely no more energy from me. You’ve taken enough. Go get fucked and I hope you DO get worse tenants here on out who make your life a nightmare. Enjoy being a bloodsucking leech.
and now for the part where I try to calm myself down
Sigh… Okay. Now the positive of this whole shitshow is, it puts some fire under my arse to sort out my job situation and motivates me to finish up my business in Melbourne and get the fuck out. I’ve been wanting a change in scenery for ages - first it was “once lockdowns are over”, then “once I get PR”, then “once I quit my job”, then “once my niece settles in”… but this time is it: once I finish up uni in June I am GONE. I knew that studying would involve an earning hit and it was something I needed to invest in for myself. That I’d need to pay myself a bit to get it done.
So, here it is. I’m going to honour my commitment… but the clock has been set. I’ve been drifting for quite a while trying to get from one week to the next… now at least I know I am approaching the end of a chapter. Closure is coming. I won’t forever be stuck in this helltrap of running faster and faster just to stay in place. I will slam the book shut on all the covid/work/friendship yucks, and clear out space in my life for a fresh start. There is relief and determination and growth amidst the anger, and the deep-seated fear and anxiety of not feeling safe and secure of my own housing. I used to feel sad about possibly leaving Melbourne some day, selling up my things, giving away my plants: now I’m honestly ready. will change the narrative. I do not have control over everything, but I will not be a victim; I have so many more options than I used to… I have value beyond paying off someone else’s mortgage. I will not be beaten down into misery. I will change the narrative.
and now for some practical steps forward...
- Cathartic release/dump so I can feel okay enough to go back into my home - tick.
- drs appt for mental health referral - tick.
- Look at cost of comparable rentals in area as benchmark.
- Look at what my finances and working capacity is; budget for mental health.
- Come up with compromise rental $ amount, take a deep breath, and send brief email to LL. Remind myself I will have 60 days from official notice. I will be OK.
- check EBA for notice period for job I have to quit
- Draft resignation letter and handover actions
- Schedule chat with other job about bringing hours up
- Start writing down moving out ideas. Who gets what. Which things to sell off. What services to cancel. Clearing out the pantry slowly. Etc.
I need to keep telling myself - I got this. This will be a challenging period going forward. Thank heavens for the cat. Speaking of:
and now for something completely different
Number one. The White Area of Do-Not-Touch.
I managed to pull out months of weeds/dead plants and get the fert in on Thu night before soxcat came and very grateful for the timing + this reprieve from watering and so forth. The one upshot of such a gloomy forecast. Gotta throw some seeds in soon…
Woke up early but was still all puffy and congested and emotional from last night’s shock email. Trying not to let anger take over and focusing on the good things… grateful that I’m catching up with a friend today. Parking in Carlton has really changed. Nearly everything is 2P till 7pm, all my good weekend street parking spots are gone. Fair enough, I just wish there was better PT connection - the new train stations can’t open soon enough.
I’m really glad the cat is here to help take the edge off the massive sads that are being cracked.
What is up with men who can’t take a hint? Unfortunately not uncommon with some meetup groups :(
Whoop de doo… I knew I had it going well for a while, but just as I’m looking at having to drop my overall hours because I am simply not coping with doing it all and trying to finish degree, I get an email from the landlord about upping the rent to 550/week (15% increase).
Pour one out for me, this has just ruined my weekend. Landlords do be collecting more and more for adding zero value…
She’s said she’s open to negotiation but I really suck at working out a middle ground. Too many emotions. I’ll have to sleep on it. Why did she have to send this on a Friday night.
The only way to get a pay rise these days is jump ship, it seems. Unfortunately
Long day… cranky… not a drop of moisture all day, but I just managed to miss the rain and got to come home to silky kitty and a bit of silliness (=much-needed energy expenditure) with the feather toy. Thank god I have food in the fridge… rest my tired soul with the sound of rain and a nourishing meal. I’m spent.
Where is this place? Looks South Indian/Sri Lankan… got that coconut sambol going…
Had to pick up a few bins that had ended up on the road. They were all terribly drunk.
I’m just happy that she remembers this place! I realise it needs a good dust and vacuum though… poor girl is sneezing in one particular corner.
Her tail is so gorgeous too. Medium-haired cats are the best. Not too long to need frequent grooming, but that much more luxurious than a short-haired kitty
I am glad you have sighted the sox. I can now sleep. SOX!
She has definitely become sassier this time around, thought I’d put treats in one of her toys but it was just normal dry food and she went from super excited to instantly cold and uninterested and even hissed at me later when my leg inadvertantly brushed against her… but then she followed me into the bedroom and has been going in and out and I later heard her merrily crunching on the dry food. and she randomly mrrps at me and probably wants to play but It Is Sleepytime Now. Tomorrow I shall try and wear out some of her energy after work.
I’ve been rather hopeless with goals recently, but one big one for next year is finish my degree (whether I finish it well is another matter…), restore my balcony garden, and like you make exercise and creativity a more nonnegotiable part of my day. Easier to do in summer for sure.
Thats like… kangaroo, chicken, and t-rex all rolled into one. Impressive
Son of a gun, I’m having fun on the bayou 🎵
45/50, I will never get a higher score in my life I think. I even knew some of the answers rather than guessing most of them!