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Cake day: June 15th, 2023

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  • God, isn’t that the truth though - we’ve had this trip booked since, I think May? But also in a way this trip is a bit of a signpost since I know when I get back (even though it’s the end of the year) there’s a few hard truths I need to think about and act upon. There’s the smallest dust mote inside trying to tell me that there’s a massive possibility that the path before me, whichever I choose, will be really good. I gotta find that little dude a megaphone so he can shout it a little louder for the people in the back.




  • While not entirely healthy (in fact quite the opposite), I went through a phase about … seven years ago now, where, even though I had a job, wife, house, etc., I wanted out. And it was either one way into the infinite beyond, or severing all ties and volunteering somewhere like South America and building houses for the poor or something. I sought help and obviously did neither - but yeah, there’s something really satisfying about the idea of going living for other people in a voluntary perspective. Having just enough to put food in your stomach and have a roof over your head, but otherwise live with experience alone.

    I’m rooting for you, I truly am. You’re a great individual and deserve a lot in this life, and the fact that you’re even willing to explore the idea of offering part of your life to help others speaks to that. So here’s hoping that the path before you clears and you’ve able to work towards finding that love once again :)


  • Maybe. I think from memory they’ve used the same vein for the last few appointments and I’m wondering whether that’s part of it too. But I have also been pretty stressed/burnt out so that could be it as well.

    My wife is the same about being phobic towards needles. She’d love to give blood but needles are just something she can’t handle. Sounds like though you’ve been able to at least get to a point where you’ve donated before, albeit with a bit of trouble?


  • Anyone else here given blood and not been able to fill the bag? I gave blood and followed the normal procedures (like drinking all of the water, having snacks beforehand etc.,) and yet I couldn’t completely fill the bag. It got close but the flow pretty much dwindled down to drops. Normally my body freely gives blood but this time around it was like “nah bruv, that’s as much as I’m willing to part with”.


  • stem from a sense of bring unfulfilled, either with challenge and/or purpose

    Ooooof. this hits hard! I’m definitely in this category. I’m also aware though that it would take a LOT for me to feel fulfilled in my line of work. Both this holiday and the coming Christmas period is going to be spent having some very hard conversations with myself about what I do next. That said, it would be nice if my work supported me in some way/shape/form in training and evolving my professional output in the way I want it to but that won’t happen.

    In your world though what kind of fulfilment do you think would result in overcoming this feeling?




  • Torn between that feeling of complete apathy to the work I do, and a burning passion to protect the area of knowledge and ability that I’ve carved out for myself.

    Like, on the on hand: couldn’t give melted diarrhoea in a plastic cup, as much as the work gives me the bum squirts due to stress. But on the other hand: I will ball my fist around a roll of dollar coins and smack a bish who steps on my plot.





  • A friend who I hadn’t seen for ages asked me recently what my music taste was like now and I answered with “It’s easier to say I’m not into something (Country, mumble rap and most R&B) than pin down a genre.” Which is true - Spotify at the end of every year spews out its stats and somehow I managed to listen to a shit ton of different genres.

    BUT! The recent Spotify DJ guy, as well as the daylist thing really has hit home how much prog metal I still listen to.




  • Whitetails and necrosis is something that worries the hell out of me. I don’t care that they’re not deadly - I don’t want no flesh-eating spidey bite to remind me some little fucker was able to invade me like that!

    I know you’re not looking for medical advice so I’ll just say, hopefully you’ve managed to use antiseptic on the area and given it a good clean (or three). That and ibuprofen might help with the swelling.