Balios

I just don’t understand why I have to say “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)” in some high pitched voice when I could just say, “can you not let the dogs tangle?” in a tone that conveys I’m serious. it’s so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

I think part of your problem actually starts even earlier, because it exists in both examples. You use you-statements. Neurotypicals hate these and feel directly accused of something. So softening the you-statement helps.

If it makes sense to you and comes more easy you can try something that is also taught to neurotypicals who look into learning about communication: Avoid you-statements and instead use I-statements that are about you and the situation, not them and the situation.
There are a lot of resources about that on the internet (because as said, even the Neurotypicals need to learn about that) but here’s one example where they explain the difference and how it’s perceived

But here you’d instead say “I don’t like when the dogs tangle”. Neurotypicals will see a problem that needs to be solved and go like “hey, I can help” instead of becoming defensive about the perceived accusation that they did something wrong. It’s not a guarantee that it works but studies show a lot higher acceptance for I-statements.

Nail me!

• Jesus