Aunt: I’m going to Walmart, do you need anything?

Me: no thanks, I’m going there later to do some shopping myself

Aunt: But we could combine trips! It’s wasteful to both drive there on the same day! The responsible thing to do—

Me: ok, I give up. Please get me cat litter and cat snacks.

Aunt: Ok!!! :)) Which ones? And what isle? What color is the package—

Me: exasperated Are you serious? I caved and gave you what you wanted. Now you’re asking for more information? I told you I wanted to do my own shopping, and you fought me on it. I’m making a peace offering by giving you two items to buy for me, and you’re saying I need to go find the names and package colors and isle numbers? Please just be satisfied with what I gave you.

The thing that she wants is to feel good about buying me something. But I don’t want that. That’s the disagreement.

I imagine most people would see me as the asshole here: she can’t buy the right item if I don’t tell her what it is. But I clearly don’t care about those details; if I wanted something specific I would have told her that. The only reason I mentioned them was to appease her. I’m giving her something she wanted, something I wanted for myself, and she’s demanding more.

  • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
    15·
    2 days ago

    In such a situation, just lie.

    “Need anything from the store?”

    “No” (private subtext, I just want to do my own shopping and have some time out of the house)

    Later… Once they are home:

    “See you in a bit, I need to got the store. Silly me didn’t think of a few things I needed when you asked earlier. Bye”

    • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
      12·
      2 days ago

      I wish I had done this instead. It feels so shady, but I think it’s the least harmful way of avoiding these types of conflicts. Ugh. Thanks. I’ll consider it for the next time.

      • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
        6·
        2 days ago

        Remember it’s hardly a lie because they have an unspoken part of their question:

        "Want anything from the store [that you want me to get for you… Including sufficient detail for me to find and select it]?

        So think of your white lie “no” as more addressing the latter part

        Imagine you needed something very very expensive, or something that takes a long time for the staff to make. You shouldn’t expect someone to front the money or wait a long time, if you are capable of doing it yourself.

        Just saying it isn’t really shady, it’s just a social adjustment