Basically what it says on the tin. Having read though some of the materials on the issue, I am baffled by how recklessly the word is used, given the consequences of such usage.
Pedophiles are the people with sexual attraction to prepubescent children. It doesn’t matter whether they do or don’t act on that attraction; in fact, many don’t. It is a sexual interest/mental condition that cannot be reliably changed.
Child molesters, on the other hand, are not necessarily pedophiles - in fact, 50 to 75% of child molesters do not have pedophilic interest.
Both facts can be sourced from the respective Wikipedia article and more info can be found in respective research.
Why does this matter?
Because the current use of the word reinforces stigma around pedophilia and makes it less likely for people with pedophilic disorder to reach out for help for the fear they would be outed and treated the same as actual child abusers.
This, in turn, makes those in a vulnerable position more likely to cross the line and get into the category of child abusers instead of coming for help. Also, it heavily affects people who did nothing to deserve such treatment.
What should we do?
We should leave the word “pedophile” to the context in which it belongs, which is the mental health and sexuality spheres, and avoid using the term to describe sexual offenders against minors. At the very least, one would most likely be wrong. At most, one would participate in the cycle of child abuse.
ignoring his BS (because he is full of shit), consent specifically IS attractive to some. I’m one of them. It’s not a factor on its own, like how Tarantino might like feet, but he likes ‘adult women feet’, I like ‘adult women consent’.
I had an ex who wanted to roleplay a rape fantasy. I actively couldn’t do it. Her "no"s made me soft. Despite intellectually knowing it was a game.
So yes: consent can very much be a major point of attraction.
You conflate attraction to certain people with sexual preferences, although we don’t have much control over either of them. For example, you cannot force yourself to be more assertive, sadistic, and dominant, and that’s okay. Same way, some people, like your ex, cannot help but enjoy such power play.
But even still, those two are different. If tomorrow you’d figure out that any sexual interaction, even seemingly consensual, with adult women hurts them, would you immediately stop having any sexual fantasies towards women forever and ever? You may have guilt about it, but you’ll still find yourself attracted, even if repulsed at the same time. You will absolutely learn not to sexually interact with women - I’m pretty sure of that - but the desire will remain.
This is exactly what it is.