NASA and Boeing plan to spend the next few weeks conducting tests on the ground in order to better understand issues with the Starliner spacecraft’s thrusters before giving its crew the go-ahead to fly back to Earth, officials said in a press conference Friday.
Boeing:
Guys!! Good news! You’re not stranded! We just can’t get you back for a couple of mo…er…weeks! Yeah! That’s the ticket!
Astronauts:
…
“Apollo returns, a Boeing story”
"Huston, we have a problem… "
…ok we figured it out, now guys you’ll have to build a few things. First thing, you’ll have to go into the garbage disposal and using plastic bags please collect small bundles of poop. Mix the poop with hydrochloric acid and make them into hexagonal shapes 6" tall by 2" thick. Now we’ll need one of you to get the flu… Go find a vial left by the ruzzians. Don’t worry, we got the antidote down here. Okay next collect all the snot and mix it up with 10% gelatin. Finally, you’ll have to go outside and patch the heat shield using the gelatine as glue…