And I’m not talking about autopsy videos or banned stuff, I’m talking about real life experiences…
Obviously I’ve seen gore, fatalities in traffic accidents and real executions videos but never live… The closest was the body of a guy laying on the concrete from a car accident, I was in a bus going in parallel with that car, but I’m not sure if he was dead…
Yep. I held my father’s hand when he died. When it was over I hugged him and told him we’d be okay on our own now and that we’d manage.
I was mostly right. Mostly. The waves came and went and I thought I’d be over the worst - but now, a year later I sometimes miss the guy with a pain that feels like it will never end in that moment.
I planted a tree and put a bench under it at the end of a small valley where I now own some meadows and where we used to go together and chop firewood. When it gets too bad I take my dog up there and sit down and tell my dad what’s going on.
I’m sorry for your loss.
It’s bound to happen, right. However, it’s a thing I have to learn how to deal with and I’m pretty certain I’m going to finish that process as a different person.
Interestingly, being there at the bed wasn’t that hard. It was just the right thing to do and I would always want to be there again.
The part where I’m missing him hard is when I feel like picking up the phone because something good happened but then I realize, no, not today, not tomorrow either, never again.